I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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