I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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