You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
