I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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