u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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