Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
