How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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