This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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