Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
