just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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