Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
