I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
