winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
