Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Who died my cat blue again?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
