remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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