y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Non-Jews are for practice
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
