i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
