So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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