yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
