I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
