census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
