I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
