My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
