escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
