hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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