did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
