Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
this hospital has no fireball
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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