I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
