3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
