So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
