dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
