if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
