you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
