Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can text with my tongue
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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