Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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