So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm both gender and math confused
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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