Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
