if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
