you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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