just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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