You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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