Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
this hospital has no fireball
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
