Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
