I must be too annoying 4 u.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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