I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
