I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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