The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
