That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
