Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
