It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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