I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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