I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
