i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
