If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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