Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
