Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
