Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
