she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
