guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
