porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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